Lauren Simon on losing a parent, coping with grief and the power of friendship
Well it’s been a life changing month for me. In August my amazing, unforgettable dad, Alan Goldstone, passed away. In typically flamboyant style he passed away in one of his favourite places, Marbella. We have all been heartbroken and life will never be the same but the circle of life continues.
I feel so lucky to have had such a dedicated father who I truly loved to bits. Now I have to square my shoulders and look forward. I have thrown myself back into work and all the girls have been so supportive and strong – it’s helping to keep me busy. Going back to the show makes me smile as my dad always loved to be on camera - a real showman till the end. Even in his final days he’d never be seen without a diamanté designer t-shirt and the right shades. He never compromised or changed himself for anyone and that’s a lesson for us all: be yourself and don’t be led by the crowd - a challenge in the Cheshire set!
You are never prepared for the loss of a parent. Even though he battled through three weeks in hospital in Spain and we knew if he survived he would never be the same again, it was no easier when it came. His death made me realise that this is the moment things change forever and I am now looking after my mum as the generations change roles. Of course, I also have my own children and they have lost their grandfather. Talking to children about loss is never easy; I have been so proud of my girls and the mature way they have accepted grandad’s passing. We have a beautiful grave to visit where we can reflect and remember all the great times we had, the jokes he played and stories he told.
Lauren has a lot to say about being judgemental in her September column!
As always in times of need I have done lots of reading, this time about how to help my mum deal with grief and the symptoms of shock and “being in a daze”. For me, grief is showing as occasionally overwhelming sadness, with lots of crying and I have experienced great tiredness and exhaustion as well as guilt, sometimes. These feelings may not be there all the time and may appear unexpectedly, and of course every person experiences it differently. I have found that really, honestly, talking about my feelings helps greatly and my close friends have been amazing.
I am also trying to encourage my mum to try and find ways to feel happier, just some simple lifestyle changes to help her feel more in control and able to cope. I am constantly encouraging her to try and get plenty of sleep, keep talking, to listen to mental wellbeing audio guides and download relaxation and mindfulness apps. I know she will start to feel stronger in time and for now the best I can do is be there for her, to listen, to remember and to celebrate my wonderful dad every day.
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