Our former editor casts an often-jaundiced eye over life in the Cotswolds*
I’M GETTING mightily cheesed off with the BBC bombarding me with orders to go and watch stuff on the iPlayer during every programme break. I am a normal person, not a scramble-headed yoof. If I watch a programme I enjoy, I’m quite content to wait a week to watch subsequent parts. I’m not going to press the red button and spend the next five hours binge-watching every part of the series, one after the other. Instant gratification doesn’t compare to eager anticipation.
I’m convinced that I’m not the only person who watches television in this traditional way. OK, I might no longer have a copy of the Radio Times in a Moroccan leather binder with key programmes circled in felt pen, but I’d be very surprised if I wasn’t in the majority. So why does the Beeb think that we’re all itching to watch 37 episodes of Homes Under The Hammer one after the other?
The answer is those dreaded two words that have already wreaked havoc across the media sector – “Digital First”. Originating in the newspaper industry, Digital First entailed giving away all the content of our publications for free so that people didn’t have to buy an actual newspaper. A policy quite stunning in its stupidity. In television terms, it seems to involve throwing everything at the wall and making viewers search out the bits they want. Never mind any kind of structured scheduling or planning. Here’s the telly trough; stick your snout in.
According to Director General Tim Davie, this initiative will allow the Beeb to save money and focus on a younger audience. Yep, saving money by binning CBBC and Radio4Extra from the airwaves and forcing them online. Now I don’t know what the age profile is of Radio4Extra listeners (I certainly listen to it more frequently than the Home Service), but I’m not sure that all of them are digital savvy. They may not have iPhones and tablets; they may not know where the red button is. Just like the patronising fools who’ve made paying for your city centre car parking so difficult (Coins? You must be joking), blinkered bosses are being led into making ridiculous assumptions about their customers’ technical capabilities. Next up from our arrogant overlords is the decision to close railway ticket offices and force everyone to book online. I suppose this is what happens when you let youngsters in hoodies and pumps make decisions on behalf of the 50-plus masses.
READ MORE: Mike Lowe knows how to spot an imposter.
THE CHURCH of England is rightly concerned about declining attendance figures, particularly after most places of worship shut down during the pandemic. It may be time for some innovative thinking. As beautiful as some of our churches might be (and we are particularly blessed in the Cotswolds), is it altogether necessary to confine our worship to traditional surroundings? What about alternative venues that might prove more attractive to potential prayers?
Well, if you want to connect with the male middle classes, the bedrock of our society, there is only one place to go. Not the pub, not the football ground, but the meeting point of the masses that is The Tip.
At The Tip people queue religiously to perform their rituals. The regulars know their stuff. Garden waste, plastic bottles, cardboard… all sorted and in the back of the car. The unprepared dash about with black bags of bottles and plastic, calling for guidance from the Holy Men in Hi-Vis. But this wasteland of worship is a happy place. All that it needs is the occasional rousing chorus of Nearer My Tetra Pak To Thee and the Archbishop of Canterbury will be tapping into a whole new market – which is probably for the best as he’s still busy sacking vicars and mothballing village churches.
Follow Mike on Twitter: @cotswoldeditor1
*Mike wrote this column shortly before passing away on July 13, 2022, aged just 68. Our September issue is published as a tribute to him. See you later, Lowey... you'll be missed.
