In last month’s Cheshire Living article, Philippa Saunders discussed the importance of language in shaping our thoughts and feelings. This month she has more advice on the power of words
Using the right kind of language is one of the easiest coping skills you can learn. A simple switch from negative to positive can do wonders for mood and overall wellbeing.
Recognising your inner voice, how you ‘talk to yourself’, is an important part of your mental wellbeing. Noticing the way you talk to yourself is a key step in making changes in your life. If you are not speaking to yourself and thinking in a constructive, supportive way then you are bound to be creating and/or maintaining problems for yourself.
“Don’t”, “can’t”, “won’t”, “not” are common ways of expressing ourselves in everyday language. You may not have noticed the impact of these words, but they are incredibly unhelpful when it comes to managing mental health. They negatively affect our self-esteem, shape the way we see the world and also our shape our behaviours. Research suggests that people become depressed because they brood and ruminate about negative thoughts and feelings and feel powerless to do anything about it. A very negative person might have 10,000 unhelpful, catastrophising thoughts a day, but when you change your daily use of language (both spoken and the things we silently say to ourselves) to more helpful, powerful and positive phrases, those thoughts will start to disappear as well.
If you are someone that doesn’t tend to think and speak in a very positive, helpful way then minding your language might seem a little daunting. However, it’s actually incredibly simple as the only thought you need to worry about is the one in your head right now! Thoughts from the past are already ancient history and the time to worry about future thoughts is when you have them. Ask yourself: “Is the thought in my head right now helpful?” If not, then change it for one that is or bin it.
Helpful thoughts help you achieve the life you want, make you feel happier, stronger, more in control and full of life, help you increase your self-esteem and overcome any anxiety. They even help you strengthen your immune system.
Apart from noticing (and changing) the unhelpful, negative, powerless language, it is important to introduce the following types of language into your spoken and non-spoken language:
Calm language
We all have the ability to calm ourselves down by using calm language. Even when you feel panicked, if you speak to yourself in a calm way, you can calm your thoughts down. Calm language helps creates coping skills.
Confident language
Language that suggests you are making things happen. When you say things confidently, you feel more on top and in control. Life feels predictable.
Kind language
Talk to yourself like you would to a good friend. If you wouldn’t say it to them, don’t say it to yourself! The word ‘should’ is a sure-fire way to erode your self-esteem. You can always replace ‘should’ with ‘could’ – this suggests that you have a choice.
Minimising language
Even if you feel rubbish, never say it! If you’re in the habit of over-exaggerating your language, you will be exaggerating the problem in your own head and filling your mind full of negative unhelpful thoughts. Do the opposite of exaggerating by minimising your language. By doing this you can instantly reduce the intensity of your thoughts.
Forward thinking language
“Things are going to change.” "Things will get better.” This is powerful and positive language. Try and step back and see the bigger picture.
Active vs passive language
Another important distinction in the language you use is whether it’s ‘active’ or ‘passive’. Passive language is powerless. It's when you blame other, external things for the way you’re feeling. It suggests that you don’t have a choice. Active language is positive, empowering and about taking control. It helps you become more powerful by taking responsibility for your actions and thinking. You want to try and make sure that you are always using active language.
Passive: The weather was awful this weekend and I had a rubbish time because of the rain.
Active: I chose to let the weather affect my mood.
Passive: My job is making me so stressed
Active: I’ve made myself stressed by the way I’m thinking about my job.
What you say matters, as you are listening - and believing.
Philippa Saunders is a Thrive Coach based in Knutsford. You can find her on Instagram @thrive.with.philippa and Facebook @thrivewithphilippa
