Confessions of a therapist

Hairy stories and other x-rated tales

Hairy stories and other X-rated tales

In our teens we girls hit adolescence, grow extra hair and turn into women. In our 40s we hit the menopause, grow extra hair and turn into men!Just the other day I gazed into my bathroom mirror, and as the sun streamed through the window the rays lit up my face, and: “Oh my goodness where did all that facial fluff come from? I am a blonde werewolf!”Thank Heaven for waxing.Of course there are alternatives such as bleaching and shaving, but one can cause chemical burns and the other produces an itchy stubble which, let's face it is okay on our men, but not so desirable on us.Waxing removes the unwanted hair along with the root bulbs and therefore takes longer for the hairs to return.The hair shaft also grows back with a naturally tapered tip rather than as blunt cut stubble, and after repeat treatments the hair growth can actually become quite sparse.After years of painstakingly (and painfully) teasing eyebrows into shape with tweezers, waxing can shape the brow and remove the surrounding downy brow hair in a matter of seconds.Although pulling the skin taut when waxing minimises the pain of en-masse hair removal, there is still a small ouch factor, which many refer to as “nice pain.”It always amazes me when a client lies down on my therapy couch ready for this modern day torture and breathes a deep sigh of relaxation as the stresses of the day fade away.Despite the pain to follow they become as chilled as they would preparing for a facial.I think, for today’s busy women relaxing on a therapy couch has little to do with the type of treatment they receive, and a lot to do with having a few minutes to lie down and receive some kind of personal attention.I tend to feel the same when I go for a smear test or to the dentist. I dread both appointments, but the moment my body sinks back and I entrust my orifices to the professionals a calming mist descends.As a massage therapist I expect the occasional strange telephone enquiry from lecherous men, but I had always thought that advertising hair removal was as safe as selling kittens.This has now been proved a myth.Most clients telephone to book an appointment for a particular treatment, but occasionally the voice on the other end of the phone just enquires as to what kind of therapies I do.It soon becomes obvious that these people are requiring extra services which I do not provide and I wonder if there are not enough XXX rated, no rush, open until late, massage parlours advertised in the classified adverts.Anyway, when I received one such call I listed the therapies, Swedish massage, Indian head massage and hot stone massage while trying to make myself sound as professionally upstanding as a brain surgeon.I then went on to list manicures, pedicures, facials and waxing, stating that these beauty treatments were probably not what the gentleman required.“Oh, but my wife and I might be interested in waxing,” he replied with a leering tone.My guard instantly lowered at the mention of his wife and I thought my paranoia was an unfounded symptom of the menopause, until ……“Oh yes, because at the moment we shave ourselves, down below, you know?” Ewww! Oh yes I know exactly what you mean sir.Bikini line tidy ups are an everyday treatment, but no amount of money could persuade me to face a man's B, S & C, especially with the inference of husband and wife action to follow.“If you give me your name and address sir, I’ll pop one of my leaflets in the post to you,” I said keeping my composure.I wrote down the man’s name and address, so I knew exactly who he was, and then purposely never made it to the post box.Whether it is leg, bikini, back, under arm, lip, chin or brow hair which is causing discomfort, waxing is a simple and safe method of hair removal.With summer holidays just around the corner now is the perfect time to de-fluff and show off that silky skin.

By Helen SkeneHelen Skene Therapies, Palmcroft Road, Ipswich. For further information and appointments telephone 01473 743038

Comments powered by Disqus