Do you find December more stressful than relaxing? It might be time to look at your beliefs - and I’m not talking about Santa, says mental wellbeing expert, Philippa Saunders
It’s Christmas time! Parties to go to, gifts to give and receive, time away from work, seeing friends and family. What’s not to like?
It can be magical and relaxing, but for many it is a source of stress. Christmas comes with high expectations and, as a result, we put a lot of pressure on ourselves. There are a whole host of extra duties to perform; presents to organise, wrap (and pay for…), nativity plays, parties, food, families and in-laws to juggle, not to mention the pressure to go out and have a good time. And, oh yes, keeping people updated with the antics of the elf…
I used to think Christmas was stressful. I believed it wasn’t relaxing, more something to be endured than enjoyed. However, what I didn’t realise is that as human beings, our brains look for the evidence that fits in with what we believe. It’s how we make sense of the world (see my article for more info on this). We also often ignore all the evidence that suggests otherwise. So having the belief that ‘Christmas is stressful’ is actually a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We don’t tend to question our beliefs until we realise how important they are in being able to create robust mental health. When we have lots of powerless, unhelpful, negative beliefs about ourselves and the world around us, our mental health is unstable. We feel ruled by our emotions and are susceptible to big highs and lows (and other mental health symptoms). But when we have powerful, helpful, positive beliefs about ourselves and the world around us, and a belief that we can cope with whatever life presents us with, it’s the opposite - we feel good, in control and are able to make the most of even the challenging times.
Let me ask you a question: do you still believe in Santa?
I’m guessing if you’re over the age of twelve, you don’t believe in Santa anymore. How did that happen? For 10 or so years, you did then suddenly you didn’t?!
Despite perhaps still wanting to believe, the weight of evidence against Santa’s existence forced you to realise it was all a bit unlikely. Just like that, a belief you held for 10 years changed overnight. We can change any of our limiting beliefs in this way, by creating and seeking new evidence.
None of the beliefs you have - even the most powerless ones - are set in stone, nor deeply ingrained. A belief is simply a thought that you keep on thinking. You can learn to choose more wisely.
If you too have the belief that ‘Christmas is stressful’, make an effort to take off your own blinkers and see the bigger picture. Seek and create new evidence that ‘Christmas is not stressful’. Remind yourself that you are much more in control of your life than you might think. It might surprise you to know that we can actually control 90% of what happens to us in life. It’s only 10% of things that we can’t control, and for those you always have the power inside to decide how you think, feel and react to them. So when you feel your stress levels rising because of annoying Auntie Pat’s incessant moaning, choose not to get annoyed and to rise above it. It’s just a skill that needs some practice.
Tips for looking after your mental wellbeing at Christmas:
Daily gratitude check-in
Studies show that grateful people are happier and this is a good habit to get into. At the end of the day, reflect on three things you are grateful for. They don’t have to be big things.
Ditch the guilt
Don’t feel obliged to visit everyone you possibly could or do everything that is on offer. You’re in the driving seat. Feeling guilty only makes you feel worse and reduces your self-esteem.
Focus on what you CAN control
Rather than on what you can’t. When we focus on things we can’t control, we predictably create stress and anxiety.
Choose healthier coping strategies
Drinking alcohol excessively might seem like the answer but anticipate the regret of doing this. Tolerate and challenge any uncomfortable thoughts and feelings rather than choosing to drown them out.
Spend some time outdoors in nature
Apart from fresh air and exercise, appreciating our natural surroundings has been found to support good mental wellbeing.
Philippa Saunders is a ThriveR Coach based in Knutsford. You can find her on Instagram @thrive.with.philippa and Facebook @thrivewithphilippa
