It’s that time of year when we think of love and relationships, says Holly Moore, but are all relationships beneficial?
I think we have all come to value the importance of not just a romantic relationship but those with friends, family and ourselves. So in the month of love I want to encourage you to do a little audit of your relationships.
Friendships
I used to think it was a weakness to lose a friend and I prided myself on having lots. However, as life changes you realise some friendships are in your life for a reason, or simply a season.
The likelihood is if you have doubts about a friendship they do too. If you fall out with a friend, know that as much as you have your own story, they do too and they believe it as much as you do. Try to let it go.
As much as it’s important to relinquish some friendships, it’s also vital to celebrate good friends. As this is the month of love, perhaps a Galentines girls’ night or gifts this Valentines night would make it clear how important they are to you.
Your soulmate
They are out there, I have proof in having found my own. If you are lucky enough to have found yours, nourish and cherish your relationship, don’t take it for granted. Whether you have children or not, carve out time to spend together doing what you love. My partner, Joel, and I have three jars, labelled Local, UK and Overseas. On little pieces of paper we write down anything we want to do, from restaurants to events to adventures to firsts, and pop them in the correct jar. If we are trying to decide what to do, we pick one and do it. It’s really fun and means you don’t forget all those things you want to do.
If you are single and want to meet someone, I encourage you to do an exercise I learnt from Tony Robbins. Write down your perfect relationship (not person) - how do you spend your days? What do you do together and apart? What food do you both enjoy? Are you both into fashion? Write it in detail. Forget what they look like or how old they are or what they do – just really think about the relationship. Then when you start dating you will recognise red flags or when someone is not compatible early on – rather than being dazzled by good looks or grand gestures.
Yourself
Now I am the worse for self-talk and being hard on myself, but what I am good at is self-care. Having suffered from OCD for five years and now in year 12 of recovery, with no medication, I started exercising at 29. It is a non-negotiable for me, and I know it makes me perform and feel better if I do it every day.
But self-care isn’t just exercise and healthy food, it’s about how you spend time with yourself. I encourage you to take yourself out to a coffee shop or for a meal. I know a lot of people find it daunting but taking yourself to some where you’ve really wanted to go on your own is liberating. No one is looking at you – if they are they are thinking: “I’d love to do that”. Take your book or a journal in case you feel a little awkward. Why wait to do all the things you want to do? Curate your perfect date with yourself. Write down in detail your perfect day to yourself and make it happen.
Even though I am in a relationship I still have solo dates and trips. I am very good company!
Relationship tips
“You’ve changed!” Beware the person that says this. It is often a sign of jealousy because they wish they could do what you are doing. Change is growth and why would anyone want to stay the same? It’s not always easy to quip back but you might say “I know you might find it strange, but I am feeling great”.
Don’t judge Try not to judge people even if you have a difficult relationship or one has come to an end. We all have our own story. Their story is often as valid as yours.
Journal Free writing allows me to download my feelings, it also allows me to reflect back. A particular situation might have been hard, but over time it gets easier. If I have journaled on it, when another tricky situation occurs I can read back and see how easily I moved through the last one and this too will pass.
Say hi If you’re short on time, a quick voice note can make your someone’s day.
Favourite things Remembering someone’s favourite drink, snack, can mean so much. Order them a drink in advance or send them a snack pack in the post.
Podcasts of note
I was privileged to spend time with Sara Davison, The Divorce Coach, who spoke about her journey From Heartbreak to Healing, and curve model Sophie Louise Hughes, who spoke on Self Acceptance, on my Anything is Possible podcast last year. Both will be appearing at Anything is Possible Live 2024
Holly Moore is a Cheshire-based business owner, running three businesses in Wilmslow, founder of podcast Anything is Possible, and the now annual personal development conference, Anything Is Possible Live.
